June 2012 - 4 Steps to Hot Summer Sex
Keep June gloom out of your bedroom!
News from the
Summer is almost upon us. Nature planned this as a time to enjoy the bounty of the earth. Most of our cousins in the animal world are birthing this time of year. We, with our non-seasonal sexuality and medical regulation of the birth cycle, are free to birth and have sex all year round.
Even if the weather doesn't tend to affect our urges to make love much, we tend to want to snuggle more when the weather is brisk and to keep our distance when it's hot. Climate control can even take care of a lot of that.
But I get ahead of myself in a couple of ways: I'm already introducing the article being discussed this month and I haven't told you about the exciting stuff going on in my life!
I mentioned the flux in my life last month and how the pendulum of adjustment may not find balance until well into summer. This is proving to be an accurate estimate. Still, within the adjustment are new arrangements, new discoveries, new ideas and new opportunities for creativity and thinking outside the box.
Also, a reminder of an old process: Mindfulness. Mindfulness is paying attention to something on purpose, in the present moment without judgment. You also don't have to do anything about whatever you're paying attention to.
It's very much like Sensate Focus, a process in lovemaking I've talked about many times over the years. When I add my two cents next month to what this month's article says, I'll return to the ideas of Mindfulness and Sensate Focus.
The article, 4 Steps to Hot Summer Sex, concerns sex during the summer heat but may be more of a surprise than you think. Read on and feel free to use any information here that fits for you and pass on to others anything you think they can use. Make comments and ask questions by email or by visiting CenterForClarity.org. Any identifying information will be removed for publication.
Jenny Friend, MFT
Center for Clarity
Sacred Sexual Educator
Sensual Adult Toy Expert
Hear Sex and Relationship
Over 58,000 replays in May
Our article this month, 4 Steps to Hot Summer Sex, by Amanda Chatel was posted on YourTango.com on May 30th. She implies early on that she's going to give us pointers on "How to keep your sex life sizzling despite the sweltering summer heat." Instead she notes that in summer "Most people would probably rather lay on the opposite side of the room from their partner and think about sex than actually indulge in it. Ugh, summer can be such a bummer for our sex lives." After acknowledging we're not likely to give up sex, she gives us permission to go ahead but warns, "remember it could get, er, a little unpleasant." She has four "pointers" to help us through.
1) You will sweat so get used to it.
2) You may smell so accept it.
3) Make sure you keep plenty of water or electrolyte beverages
handy and drink lots of it.
4) Keep your activity moderate with breaks for rest and hydration
Next month I'll give you pointers on really dealing with the heat that give you the opportunity to think outside the box, be creative and explore new sensual experiences.
The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness and of hot sex.
Answers given to readers' questions, as well as suggestions in the rest of the newsletter News from Center for Clarity, are given as general information. They are not meant to replace face-to-face therapy with a professional person. The reader agrees to hold Center for Clarity/Jenny Friend harmless from any use of the information and suggestions.
About 3 weeks ago during love making my wife asked me to find another guy to join us for a threesome, big fantasy thing for her, in the cold light of day we have not mentioned it since.
So I took the initiative and placed an ad on craigslist and found a guy - not hard to do.
My wife and I both have Friday off and the house will be empty of kids, etc, He is coming to our house on Friday am, posing as an estate agent (we are in the middle of trying to rent out our house).
So the scenario is set. I know this is something she wants to do. She has specifically asked me to set this up, but is not aware that I have acted on that request. The guy is nice looking, about 10 years younger than us (we're 40), he is happy to play along with any scenario we want to construct.
Trouble is now I have no idea how to start this. Who should do /say what to whom to make the thing kick off. After it starts I think we'll all be on pretty safe ground, it's just the initiation.
Since you're in your 40s I'm going to guess you've thought about your feelings on this matter, you're pretty confident your wife really wants to and it wasn't just something she said in the heat of the minute, and, you've considered the dangers of stranger sex and taken measures for handling it.
To get things started you could pull her aside and comment on how young and good looking he is. You could also suggest that he seems interested in her and if she really wants to play with someone else, you'd be open to him.
If she's still interested, you could give the guy some pre-arranged signal to hit on her. Leaving them alone for this depends a lot on how the two of you talked in your fantasizing. Based on what was said then, try to make everything comfortable and natural.
Good Luck, Jenny