October 2012 - Digging Deeper into Supercharging Your Sex Life

Clarity Makes Options Visible 

 News from the
Center for Clarity

Making Choices for Relationship

          Wow, it's already October! The year's almost over! I can't believe it and I'm excited for the new year to begin. Of course there's the usual end of the year stuff and the new beginnings I always celebrate at that time of year.

          Additionally, I'm excited because in January I'm giving a new presentation for a new group in San Fernando Valley. They asked for a talk on sexuality in older women and said my audience will be older women but from the Call for Papers, it looks like it's a professional conference. I'm not sure if it will be open to the general public or not. I'll let you know as it gets closer.

          As most of you know, my basic training is development and this stage is an interesting time for me, especially in the area of sexuality. Believe it or not, a lot of stuff is happening during this stage. It 's one of the lifespan forks in our development where the rest of our lives are likely to be shaped by the choices we make.

          Whether of not we're conscious of the choices we're making, we are making choices. Our bodies are changing, the way society sees us is changing and our self-image is changing. We have no choice but to adjust and those adjustments are our choice.

          So that's what I'm going to talk about at the conference, how our bodies are changing, how society sees us and how to make conscious choices for how our self images will change. Hope that sounds interesting.

          Right now, though, I'm involved in the project of letting you know the suggestions the author of Supercharge Your Sex Life: 11 Ways to Get Your Drive into High Gear made and adding my two cents. I introduced the article back in August and last month we talked about the first four suggestions. This month, we'll talk about some more and finish talking about the article in November. In December, we can talk more about building the ones you like into your life, finding new ways to add other good habits, and the choices for moving into the new year.

          As always, feel free to use any information that fits for you and pass on to others anything you think they can use. Make comments and ask questions by email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting CenterForClarity.org. Any identifying information will be removed for publication.




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      This month we're moving even further into the article I introduced in August, Supercharge Your Sex Life: 11 Ways to Get Your Drive into High Gear. If you missed either of the first two News from the Center for Clarity issues in which we talked about this article, check them out here. August   September   We'll move into the next 7 ways this month, reviewing what the author said and adding my thoughts. We'll finish them up in November so we can be ready to put them to use in December for our Christmas, Winter Equinox or Closing the Year celebration(s), or whatever other celebration you choose for this special time of year.

           So let's get into it!

5.  Slash your sugar intake. Sugar gives you a short burst of energy, and Dr.

Braverman points out that it's also reducing your sexual drive by depleting dopamine in the body. In addition, sugar contributes to fat stores and there's that slump after the initial burst of energy. Dr. Braverman suggests you switch to substitutes (I disagree) or cut it out completely. (That gets my vote. So much of it's added our foods, anyway) and replace it with something less problematic like sweet cocoa, nutmeg or cinnamon. I'd also add healthy chocolate with at least 80% coco content or healthy sweets (check the labels or email me for more information).

6.  Get moving! Dr. Braverman recommends exercise because it stimulates the

body's production of testosterone, a compound involved in arousal. I'll add that exercise increases flexibility which is very useful in sexual activity! Besides there are great ways to exercise. Click to hear Sexercise can be Hot Exercise.

7.  Focus on foreplay. Dr. Braverman notes it helps establish intimacy,

understanding and is essential for arousal. I'd add that it's fun and can be a powerful way to get moving.

8.  Squeeze in more shuteye. Dr. Braverman says sleep deprivation (less than 7

hours) results in lack or serotonin, a brain chemical involved in experiencing pleasure and feeling good about yourself. To maximize the quantity and quality of your sleep, he suggests avoiding afternoon and evening naps and giving yourself quiet times before bed maybe reading or other quiet activities. It's relaxing to orgasm so maybe quiet orgasms can fit this bill.


          Next month we'll finish up the 11 ways of this article so we can move onto using it in December and into the New Year.


Hot Tip!

        Each challenge adds to the suspense, adds to the mystery, adds to the chaos, adds to the possibilities, adds to the romance, adds to the adventure, and adds to the joy.  


     And I say anything that adds to the joy should be embraced.
               - The Universe


Readers' Questions and Comments

Answers given to readers' questions, as well as suggestions in the rest of the newsletter News from Center for Clarity, are given as general information. They are not meant to replace face-to-face therapy with a professional person. The reader agrees to hold Center for Clarity/Jenny Friend harmless from any use of the information and suggestions.

Dear Jenny,

       My boyfriend became very jealous soon after we became intimate. He admits that I have given him no reason to mistrust me but he just can't let my past relationships go. I am starting to resent him and the idea of even seeing him is beginning to bother me. The trouble is he is perfect in every other way and I do love him. Should I let him go or try to work it out. Will he be able to let go of my past?  



Hi Cynthia,

      I don't know if he will be able to let go of your past. Whether or not you should let him go is a decision you'll have to make.     I do know, however, that in order for him to let go of your past, he will have to be the one to do it. You can't do it for him so no matter what you think you can do to make him trust you, ultimately, he has to let go of his self-doubts.     Has he shown you he's working on his jealousy? He can read books, go to groups, take classes or see a therapist. You may want to add the answer to this into you decision making.Best of luck.

Good Luck, Jenny



 Look for it in January  




 Who Says I'm too Old for Sex?  

The e-book that shares ways to nurture your

sexuality into the later years.


Jenny Friend
Center for Clarity

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