November 2012 - Wrapping up these Tips for Supercharging Your Sex Life

Information Allows for Clarity 

 News from the
Center for Clarity

Making Choices for Relationship


          I thought I'd be clattering down the track as I wrote to you this morning, escaping from the tedium of business. However, I soon will be, and I love riding the train. It's always had a much more relaxing feel to it for me than planes, cars, or even boats.

          I'm off for some stress relieving body work. I will have to be conscious of how I work my knee, though. I've come to find out since I broke the cap last year that most knee bends put pressure on it. According to my doctor, there will always be discomfort and some weakness.

          Final impact on me? More forced consciousness. Hum. A need to focus my awareness on everyday things like walking, squatting and kneeling. It's so natural to have these things tucked away in unconsciousness, as if the mind thought it had something more important to focus on than everyday, ordinary physical sensations.

          When things are tucked away in unconsciousness, we can ignore a lot of incoming stimuli. In other words, our sensations and our instantaneous analysis of them provide so much information that we'd be overwhelmed if we didn't have ways to filter it. Filtering necessarily requires judgment; judgments based on values we may not even be aware of.

          The mind is likely to relegate anything routine to the unconscious. Psychologically, this makes life easier because any information coming in about the routine can then be quieted or shut out of awareness completely. That's why routine lovemaking is so detrimental to a relationship; the mind quiets or shuts out the sensations that go along with the routine behaviors.

          Consciousness, of course, does just the opposite, allowing awareness of more sensations associated with the behavior. If a person wants to experience more sensation, consciousness can make that happen. Such a consciousness can also backup that thought process, asking, "What supports the body's ability to receive and transmit sensation and what does the body need to respond to the sensation?"

          That's why I think the article we've been talking about in the last few issues of News for Center for Clarity is good information to tuck away. Now, when you decide to go for more sensation, especially in lovemaking, you'll have the information you need. As always, feel free to use any information that fits for you and pass on to others anything you think they can use. Make comments and ask questions by email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or by visiting Any identifying information will be removed for publication.




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Don't suffer anymore!


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Want to "feel" like having sex instead of  

wishing you could get into it,
or waiting for it to be over with?

You CAN get your mind and body to agree in just 5 simple and fun steps! Find out how in this exciting NEW report.


5 Steps to Jumpstarting Your Sexual Desire! 






        This month we're wrapping up the from the article I introduced in August, Supercharge Your Sex Life: 11 Ways to Get Your Drive into High Gear. If you missed any of the first three News from the Center for Clarity issues in which we talked about this article, check them out here.   August    Setember    October   We'll finish up the last three ways this month, reviewing what the author said and adding my thoughts. We'll be ready to put them to use in December for our Christmas, Winter Equinox or Closing the Year celebration(s), or whatever celebration you choose for this special time of year. If the brainstorming really gets good, we might even have uses for New Year's celebrations or thoughts of additional resolutions in January's issue.

        So let's see what this article has left to share with us.  

9. Keep Yourself Hydrated. The article claims that three to four liters of water a

day aids in weight loss, raising your dopamine and aiding in lubrication. I can't argue with any of this as that's what my informal education in alternative thought supports. You should be aware, though, that many in traditional medicine are going back to the claim that 60 ounces of FLUID a day is sufficient. Guess you'll have to be mindful and decide when weight is easiest to maintain, and when you feel most energetic and juicy.

10. Keep Stress in Check. The author claims that cortical, which decreases sex

drive, increases with stress. He recommends a calming activity like listening to soothing music or slipping between the sheets because, "ultimately, sex is the ideal way to relieve stress." I agree that stress decreases sex drive but would caution about expecting "slipping between the sheets" to be the ultimate stress relief. Not because orgasm isn't relaxing; both genders tend to experience it that way. But to get there, men have to be relaxed enough for blood to flow into their penis and women have to be relaxed enough to open and receive him. So starting out too tense doesn't work. Try relaxing together with things like shared massages or mutual, soothing touch.

11. Experiment with Sex Toys. Dr. Braverman demonstrates a narrow view of

the usefulness of toys when he says they increase the libido by providing an additional source of genital stimulation during sex and foreplay, and in recommending a clitoral pump or vibrator. I agree with experimenting with toys. I just say their usefulness is far beyond stimulating the genitals since every cell in your skin can provide arousal. I'll offer specific techniques in the articles to come.


   Look for these specific techniques and more over the next month or so as we talk about putting all 11 tips to use.


Hot Tip!


How you feel in your heart can show up in your body, for your heart and body are more powerfully connected than you have ever realized.

-         Don Colbert, MD

I'd like to add that it's a circular relationship, so the reverse is also true - what you feel in your body can show up in your heart.


Readers' Questions and Comments

Answers given to readers' questions, as well as suggestions in the rest of the newsletter News from Center for Clarity, are given as general information. They are not meant to replace face-to-face therapy with a professional person. The reader agrees to hold Center for Clarity/Jenny Friend harmless from any use of the information and suggestions.


Hi Jenny,

Is there a difference between an orgasm and cumming, or as some men say, "busting a nut"?



Hi Randy,

          Yes, there is. Orgasm is the emotional experience of release associated with sensual stimulation. Cumming or "busting a nut" is the physical experience of release. Though they usually happen simultaneously, especially for men, they are different and can be separated with consciousness.

          You can find many sources for learning to separate the two experiences, including the CD set, STOP! In the Name of Love, available on my site at:

Have Fun, Jenny


 Look for it in January  




 Who Says I'm too Old for Sex?  

The e-book that shares ways to nurture your

sexuality into the later years.


Jenny Friend
Center for Clarity

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